No longer feeling like it?
Maybe you have one oft he following questions:
- What happened to my desire?
- How can I enjoy sexuality again?
- How can I free myself from old feelings of shame and fear?
- Are there alternative options to relieve pain during intercourse?
- Black space ………………….. for your question.
You can learn how to have deeply satisfying, varied and exciting sex. And all that while enjoying yourself and still protecting your own boundaries. Because there is a healthy kind of shame. It secures our privacy which is of the utmost importance.
“Excitement is interwoven with uncertainty, and with our willingness to
embrace the unknown rather than to shield ourselves from it.”
Esther Perel
The tricky relationship of deep intimacy and passionate sex
Sexuality is dealt with rather inconsistently in our society. On the one hand, sex is probably available more easily and quickly than ever before in human history, but, on the other hand, the presence of pornography and this body culture creates performance-related pressure and insecurity when it comes to sex.
A broad range of sexual issues relates to the fact that, in most long-term, albeit loving, relationships, the desire for one’s own partner dwindles and/or the desire for other sexual partners increases. This is often accompanied by a breakdown in communication of sexual needs and desires.
In both cases, the solutions usually involve intimacy. There might be a lack or even an excess of this deep familiarity. In the first instance, the body has often overpowered the soul – physical satisfaction is followed by an uncomfortable feeling of closeness or emptiness. In the second instance, the over-familiarity removes the distance from which desire arises.
Or someone might fear losing their partner if they want something that goes against the often unexpressed but well established sexual consensus. As a result, they confine their space for sexual experience to the lowest common denominator. Overcoming this idea can provide couples with the space for renewed lust for one another.
What a shame
The second mood-killer is often a debilitating shame concerning either one’s body or one’s sexual preferences. At this point, I’d like to emphasise that, in addition to debilitating shame, a healthy sense of shame also exists, which protects our private sphere, a space within ourselves where we can be at peace. A greater distinction here could also lead to increased sexual self-awareness and, subsequently, to a more joyful sense of sexuality.
So how can you fulfil the desire for lasting lust in a long-term relationship? This is when many couples ask themselves whether monogamy is still the best kind of partnership. And then, of course, there’s the question that comes back up time and time again:
What do I really want for myself?
What do I need…
to be happy in a partnership in the long run, in terms of security and freedom? Sex coaching overlaps with Couple’s Coaching in this sense.
There’s no longer any social consensus as to what unique and universal values are, what form the relationship should take, or what’s “right” or “allowed” in a partnership. It might not be romantic, but it’s pragmatic. The ethics within a partnership are every couple‘s individual agreement for themselves.
“Our sexuality is as unique as we are.“
Angela Lorenzen
WHAT IS DISCUSSED THROUGHOUT SEX COACHING?
It is about what kind of physical approach you actually like.
How fantasies, physical touch, emotions, and the nature of your relationship with your partner mentally arouse you.
It is also about how you experience sexual arousal in your body and how your body, and especially your genitals, respond to sexual stimulation. All these aspects carry a sense of shame in our society. Hence, why we hardly ever talk about it. Furthermore, our language lacks sufficient differentiation regarding sexual sensations. However, an intensification of sexual sensations arises once we feel into it. Which means we do not necessarily require stronger stimuli from the outside.
We have different receptors for pleasure in our body, most of which are in our skin, and they are capable of intensive sensations, much more than we have ever experienced. For women in particular, it is oftentimes the case that receptors of the genital area produce pain rather than pleasure or are even numb. Usually, this is not caused by the actual touch but is connected to old feelings in this area. The beauty of our body is that it can regenerate itself to a great extent and this aspect applies to the possibility of our pleasurable sensation as well.
This approach of rediscovering pleasure in your body as part of a sex therapy is quite different from medication or even surgery. It should be mentioned though, that during the time of joint conversations with a sex therapist, the ways are merely pointed out. Practicing and trying out only happens within the safe surroundings of your own home.
SEXUALITY HAS AS MANY LAYERS AS YOU DO.
What kind of sexuality I desire has something to do with who I am, with my story, my desires as well as my concerns and known beliefs. What kind of sexuality I can enjoy at the moment depends on my current health and the level of tension in my life.
My partner feels exactly the same.
And in addition, you are supposed to find common ground.
Oftentimes, it is a good idea to forget everything about sexuality that you believe to know about it. And … consciously, feeling into your own body whilst fully clothes. What does it want? What you get to hear, cautious and soft, whispered by a voice that you have not heard in a long time, is oftentimes quite amazing. And suddenly the perspective broadens. The possibilities become more colorful. New opportunities come to mind – and the partner feels exactly the same.
This is the beginning of an exciting phase – a discovery of something new. And maybe you can suddenly win over your partner for something that you have always desired. Interestingly enough, this usually works when it is no longer a necessity.
During sex counseling we look at the entire spectrum of sexuality together. So that you understand it well for yourself. In short, you will receive a new map that will guide you on your journey of discovery.